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The next girl was sitting in the other large bedroom, wearing just a string bikini now. I could see she had very tiny breasts and was very slim and I liked what I saw. They talked for awhile in spanish, and I could see an erotic dance of body language going on. Then Ruby leaned in and began kissing her while Diamond got down in front her her and began spreading her legs. Things were getting pretty hot, but this girl got weirded out when Ruby and Diamond began kissing each other too, so that was the end of that.So that left us with just one girl to go. We went back to the small room off the kitchen, we found her just sitting there, waiting for us. She asked in fairly clear english what we would like her to do. The girls chatted with her in spanish for a few minutes, and I could tell she was very quiet and seemed too conservative. Then Diamond went out and came back in with handcuffs, and they handcuffed this girl and began tugging hard at her cloths until she was nearly naked. . Further, I found that any thought, feeling, or fantasyI harbored had already been experienced in the lives of othertransgender folks. This helped me reconcile that my life, lived incomplete denial despite a persistent but repressed desire to find mytrue self-expression, wasn't all that uncommon. There in the cyberspacewere thousands, no millions of lives and stories about those who hadfound their true self-expression. In that moment, I instantlybenefitted from one of the fundamental tenants of Internet's realm oftransgender lore: A sense of community, awareness, and an inkling of whoI was and who I was to become. Of course, one of my most amazingdiscoveries was Fictionmania, and though the stories were fictional thatdidn't detract from their appeal, what with fiction being largely anexpression of reality freed from the constraints of the past.In fact, literally and literarily Fictionmania gave me a safe way totake my first secretive and scary steps into a life I was born to.
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